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Aladdin is a Terrorist

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  • in Humorist
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  • by chrisyonan

Children, allow me to be an angry Middle Eastern man for a second. (Don’t worry, the only bombs I’m packing are glitter bombs). I understand that Al-Qaeda is scary. They scare me too. But that doesn’t mean that all Middle Eastern people are terrorists. If that’s our logic, we should keep an eye on Heidi Klum to make sure she doesn’t enslave any Jewish people.


After the Boston bombing, the police decided to single out a Saudi Arabian student from the hundreds of people fleeing the scene. They detained him in the hospital, questioned him as a suspect, and raided his apartment. I’d just like to point out that the recent bombings and shootings we’ve had in this country were all carried about by white people. White. Male. Americans. So we should add Ryan Lochte to the list of suspects as well (although let’s be real, the only bomb he is capable of is a Jager bomb.)


If we really want to talk about terrorism and responsibility, lets not only look at the culprits but also the people who enable them. The Senate refuses to pass any gun legislation because they care more about votes and a vocal minority lobby group than they do about doing their job and protecting America’s citizens. A Middle Eastern man bombs something and their response is to start a war, but when white people go on a shooting rampage in a movie theater or a school, their response is, “Well he is an exception. He’s just crazy. That’s not who white people are.” So to clarify, white people are above scrutiny. White people are more meritable as a race. And yet I am scared to go to the mall or spend time in Central Park because some rogue white person may have a gun. I guess my thought process is irrational because I’m a camel jockey.


We see this blatant racism towards the Middle East in Hollywood and on Broadway too. It’s deep in our culture. A Middle Eastern man would never be cast as Superman or Captain America, and yet somehow Jake Gyllenhaal simply screams “The Prince of Persia”. How is this horrible double standard ok? When Broadway casts “Aladdin” or “Bombay Dreams” they insist they’re “seeking a diverse company”, which usually ends up meaning 4 blacks, 2 latinos, 1 asian, and 20 white people with eyeliner. If you don’t want to seek a diverse company, don’t, but don’t front. We are throwing so much shade even black people need some melanin.


I am angry. I am pissed, disheartened, frustrated, <insert adjective here>. But what can I do about it? What can I really do about it on a practical level? Nothing, except write a blog entry and post it on Facebook.


Land of the free.


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