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Why I Needed Garmnt

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  • in Humorist
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  • by chrisyonan

I have a confession to make. It’s going to kill me to admit it because it will mean my boyfriend was right all along, but I can no longer deny what is clearly apparent. I am a crappy dresser. My idea of fashion is baggy jeans, a brightly colored t-shirt, and sneakers. I dress like a Skittle.


I decided it was time to invest in new clothes. Dare I say, start a “wardrobe”. Andrew (my boyfriend) uses that word a lot and I wasn’t entirely sure what it meant. I already had a bureau, so why did I need a wardrobe too? I could only assume there was a fancy alternate fashion meaning. Andrew berates me with these terms all the time so he can feel big and important: color, fit, medium. Ok Mr. Wintour, calm down. I decided to empower myself by doing some research. defines “wardrobe” as:


a stock of clothes or costumes, as of a person or a theatrical company.


Now you’re speaking my language. Aren’t I a theatrical company? Don’t I need costumes for my daily venture into the Business we call Show? (And the Business we call LIFE for that matter). This definition was the final push I needed to get out there and build my costume library. I may still serve Hobo Realness at home, but when I’m outside I’m going to put on my best drag and paint this town green with envy.


I couldn’t do this alone, so I forced Garmnt to give me a free personal shopping appointment. I met them at H&M, where they had been “pre-pulling” stuff for me (there’s another one of those Fashion SAT words). When I got there they escorted me directly to the dressing room. This was my first surprise: I didn’t have to browse for clothing or knock over a single twink to reach the plus-sizes. Garmnt had already done that leg work and curated a collection of 20 pieces for me to try on. Shirt after jean after short came into the dressing room and I just kept stripping and getting redressed (the whole experience reminded me of my early 20s in Hells Kitchen). After we’d decided on what items were “yeses”, I paid for the clothes and we left.


The entire experience was repeated at Uniqlo and by the end of the second round I had 2 jeans, 6 button down shirts, 2 polos, 3 shorts, 2 t-shirts, underwear and socks. I now had enough looks to compete on RuPaul’s Drag Race. 


The concept of personal shopping has not yet caught on in our culture. It feels like a luxury that the “everyday person” can’t afford. But we fork over money for hair appointments, makeup consultations, even cleaning ladies – yet somehow we don’t feel that our clothes fall into this category. I assumed Garmnt was good at what they did and could probably help me out, but it wasn’t until after my appointment that I realized what an amazing service and overall experience they provide.  


You can shop for yourself but it’s exhausting and you’re stuck in your own mental framework. There is no way you can buy the same amount of clothes by yourself as you can with a stylist. There wouldn’t be enough time. But with Garmnt I was like Julia Roberts getting pampered in “Pretty Woman” – I walked away with a whole new wardrobe (see how I own that word now?). And they picked fashion-forward things that were great for my body that I would’ve never picked on my own. The Garmnt Boys made it so easy. All I had to do was show up and try it on. 


I know it can be an expensive venture (which I did not have to pay), but it’s an investment in your personal brand as a human and it’s totally worth it. YOU are totally worth it. I promise you won’t regret the splurge – it will help you look fierce, feel fabulous, and get you laid.


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